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Saturday, November 10

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
  4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  5. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  6. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  7. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
  8. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  9. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  10. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  11. Ask people what gender they are.
  12. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  13. Sing along at the opera.
  14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

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